I got a reading from tarot reader, life coach and traveler Makenzie, also known as, The Patient Waterfall on Tiktok today. During the session, she told me about this beautiful analogy that she created when she was 10, and this is how it goes:
You're a young kid walking around with a red wagon, and you like to put all of your favorite things in there.
As a kid, my favorite things would have been my webkinz, my beagle pup, Princess, my princess costumes, a deck of cards, some ice cream and a notebook to go with my guitar.
Anyway, the load is pretty light and you can walk at a pretty decent pace.. You have a lot of space for more things, maybe even some people if they're looking for a ride. But someone throws a huge boulder into your wagon, for no reason.. You have no idea why they decided to throw this boulder into my wagon, but walking around with it makes you feel tired and it slows you down tremendously. You can slowly start chipping away from the boulder, some could even toss the whole boulder out if they're feeling strong enough at that point.
I feel like I've had a lot of rocks thrown into my wagon, of various sizes.. Some I've been able to toss out of the wagon. As for others, I'd hold onto a few for a long time because I like rocks. I feel sentimental about the rock, especially if it's a small one and I can leave room for some more cool things. But my wagon got pretty full over the years.. It's been an exhausting walk with this collection of rocks I've collected. The changing of seasons also became a hassle with wheeling my wagon, the relentless heat and the bitter cold. I became irritable and hopeless for a while. I checked in on the collection after a while of walking and the rocks melted together from the weather, forming a Plymouth Rock sized rock.
When I saw it, I felt that it was a lot more underwhelming than it had been hyped up to be, and it's not even the real Plymouth Rock (and that's not a metaphor, that's just the truth on the rock).
I've started to chip away at my boulder in the past few months, because I realized that I'd lost room for the things that were making me truly happy. I lacked a sense of motivation and purpose, I felt like I had no real hobbies that brought me that fulfillment. I didn't realize that other people saw my wagon and thought it was weird that I was carrying around Plymouth Rock; some of them helped chip away at the rock, some threw more little rocks in, and others just walked away with their own wagon.
The last month has shown me so many things to look forward to, to make room for. I really have been so grateful to get to where I am, and I'm excited to be filling my wagon with some new things, but I haven't quite let go of what's left of Plymouth Rock. It might be a bit underwhelming, but it's a piece of history and I have it.
Makenzie gave me two options. She said that I could chip away at the said "boulder" and take the walk at my own pace, recognize that I don't need to be going as fast as any other person... OR, I could let go of the wagon, find a new one and start fresh. I'm still sitting on a decision. My Dad has always been a sentimental collector, and I carry the same values of keeping the valuables with me.. My Mom has always been an "out with the old and in with the new," kind of person which allows for new beautiful things to come into our lives... I've always loved finding new things to hold on to. So, I'm figuring it out.. I've been sitting next to my wagon for a little while because my soul is so tired. I've had so much help from my friends to chip away at PR, but I can't really figure out if it's still too heavy to carry. I'll let you know if I decided to hitch a new wagon. I might trade this one in for a horse and carriage, have Lucy steer the new ride. In the meantime, I'll be keeping with me my guitar and notebook, my cat, some food for us to munch on and a capsule wardrobe - I'll definitely be needing a few outfit changes.